#1
"If you wore shoes anywhere other than church between the months
of May and September...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#2
"If you enjoyed fishing but were never able to bait your own hook...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#3
"If you have ever voluntarily worn a dress to school...you could
have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#4
"If you've never held a frog because you were afraid you'd get
warts...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#5
"If you never dissected anything before you were required to in
school...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#6
"If you've never gone swimming in a ditch after a big rain ...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#7
"If you've never pinched a live lizard on the neck so you
could clamp him on your ear like an ear ring...you
could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#8
"If you don't know that minnows will never turn into fish, not
ever, no matter how long you keep them, well...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#9
"If you never once sat on the roof of the house you grew up
in...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#10
"If you've never pulled on your hair to straighten out the
ringlets your mama put there...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#11
"If you've never swung from your knees on a swing set or tree
limb ...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#12
"If you don't know that green tree frogs will stick almost
anywhere...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#13
"If the only hunting you've ever done was in a mall and involved
finding that perfect outfit...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#14
"If you've never snacked on sweet clover and honeysuckle...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#15
"If you've never tied a thread around the belly of a bumble bee
and flown him like a kite...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#16
"If you've never worn abandoned locust skins as jewelry...you could
have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#17
"If you didn't feel obligated to accept every "double dog dare"
thrown your way...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#18
"If you never challenged a boy to an arm wrestling match...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#19
"If your dolls didn't have all their hair chopped off, shortly
after you got them...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#20
"If your idea of dressing up never included cowboy boots, your dad's
work shoes or Indian feathers...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#21
"If you never tried to entice a grub worm from his hole with a
wad of spit dangling from the end of a broom straw...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#22
"If you preferred playing hopscotch on the sidewalk at recess, rather than football
with the boys...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#23
"If giving you a bath didn't remind your mother of bathing a
cat...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#24
"If you never got in trouble with your mom for playing outside without
your shirt like the boys...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#25
"If you've never been scolded for making unladylike noises with your
palm cupped under your armpit...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#26
"If your mama didn't have to explain why little girls couldn't play outside
without their shirts like little boys...you could have been a girly girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#27
"If you were never chosen ahead of a boy when teams were picked
during P.E. or recess...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#28
"If you preferred a painted and shuttered play house on the ground rather
than a bug infested loft in the trees...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#29
"If you never tried to dig your own swimming pool and fill it up
with the water hose, only to end up with a mud hole instead...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
~Thanks to Lisa Spears in Vidalia, Louisiana for the memory.
#30
"If you never rode off into the sunset chasing wild Indians from the
back of a four-legged fuel tank...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#31
Before I forget, we have some unfinished business with Linda in Louisiana.
Linda, your fellow porchers had mixed feelings about your question last
week. My emails from Tamara in North Carolina were typical. At first she
said, "Carrying a purse on a combine? Sounds like girly-girl stuff to me."
But then, she wrote, "Hey Shellie, did Mrs. Louisiana wear heels on that
combine? I started thinking, she might not have had a place for her cell
phone, and you know how things can slide around in a bumpy combine."
Bottom
line, Linda, the vote was tied. Still, it's great that you're helping with
the harvest, girly-girl or not. Join me for another look at those who
were and those who weren't.
"If your mama wasn't always reminding you of the things little ladies did
and did not do...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#32
I've had a ton of letters for Linda, the purse carrying combine driver.
Here's the last one on the subject. It's from Gloria in Mer Rouge. She
writes, "I think any female that runs a combine with or without a purse
should not be considered a girly-girl. She still has a lot of tom-boy
in her. A girly-girl would walk up to the combine in her perfectly matched
outfit, perfectly styled hair and plenty of perfume and ask "are you really
going to drive that contraption?" I know because I sometimes like to be
girly-girl and most time just plain ol me."
Gloria, I think you speak for a lot of females on the porch. Sometimes
there is a little bit of girly-girl--as well as a dash of tomboy in us all.
"If you were never willing to give mouth to muzzle resuscitation to
the family pet...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#33
The Internet is truly an amazing place. With very little effort,
I found there are all kinds of spitting contests in the south.
My only personal experience, mind you, has been with the watermelon
seed, but folks spit pumpkin seeds and tobacco juice, as well as
several other things I wish I were still ignorant of. Although I
never had enough velocity to make a name for myself, there are some
pretty big spitters out there. Just so you'll know, a Mr. Jack Dietz
holds the record for spitting a watermelon seed 66 feet and 11 inches
in March of 1989. Yep, you guessed it, all this, just to lead into
today's southern definition, which reads...
"If you were never involved in a spitting contest, either as a
participant, or a judge...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#34
Have you ever swirled your shaving cream in a little mug and
applied it with a brush? If not, I hope you had the pleasure of
watching someone who did, at least once. As a child, I enjoyed
this ritual at my maternal grandfather's side. Although, he kindly
smeared the great-smelling stuff over my face and let me pretend
to shave with his comb, I dreamed of taking it off the way he
did--one sure stroke at a time. Years later, I found shaving my
legs held little of the same appeal.
"If you found it more fascinating to watch your mom apply her
makeup than seeing your dad or granddad shave his face...you could
have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#35
A few days ago, on one of my afternoon walks, I thought I saw a fuzzy
wuzzy worm. I even backed up to look again. Drats! It was something a
lot less desirable. I'll let you use your imagination. Speaking of
fuzzy wuzzy, I don't know who authored the poem that bore his name,
but everyone I knew could recite it. Maybe you've slept one too many
times to recall the words, or maybe you're a little too grown-up to
admit you still know them. Regardless, I'll be happy to do the honors
for the porch. "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a worm, Fuzzy Wuzzy liked to squirm,
Fuzzy Wuzzy crossed the street-oohey, gooey, hamburger meat." And on
that note, we're ready for today's southern definition, which reads...
"If you were too squeamish to let a Fuzzy Wuzzy worm crawl in your
hand...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#36
Here's a defining quiz for you porchers. See how quickly you can name
the following game. The equipment was limited to a sheet of notebook
paper and a small amount of salvia. The scoring system was just as
simple. It was built around the criteria of stickability. Well? Your
familiarity, or lack of it, says a lot about who you were in grade
school and the answer--it's found in today's southern definition, which
reads...
"If you never learned to make a spit ball that would stick on it's
target...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#37
Hear ye, hear ye. I know there are exceptions to every rule. Having
protected myself, let me go on to say that the teachers' pets I knew
growing up looked and acted a lot like Nellie Olsen on Little House on
the Prairie. You remember the type. They sat by the teacher at recess
and talked about--who knows--I never sat by the teacher at recess. Their
homework papers were always neat and clean, never smudged and crumpled
like some people I know. (She clears her throat. ~grin~) Which brings
me to Today's Southern Definition, which reads...
"If you were ever the teacher's pet, instead of her personal challenge...
you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#38
My daughter is a beautiful, blond sophomore at LSU studying business,
but I remember when she seemed destined for a dental career. At the
tender age of 8 years, Jessica had pulled several of her own loose
teeth, a couple of her brother's and many of her third-grade classmates.
It was pretty funny at the time and, of course, now it's a part of our
often re-counted family stories. It also brings us to today's southern
definition, which reads...
"If you were too squeamish to pull your own loose teeth, let alone
those of your friends...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#39
The men on the porch will just have to bear with me. I'm thinking about
pantyhose today. I'm so glad they've fallen out of favor in recent years,
but when my sisters and I were growing up in the pews of Melbourne Baptist
Church in Transylvania, Louisiana, going barelegged was not an option.
The better part of each Sunday morning was spent trying to find a pair
of hose with no runs. None of us were above pilfering a pair from the
dresser drawer of the distracted, and we were quick to claim ownership
of the less damaged goods. I haven't thought about some of the tricks we
used to extend the life of those dreadful things in years. Who remembers
merging a good right leg from one pair of hose with a good left leg of
another? I do. If the shades were close, we went with it. When all else
failed, we went to church and feigned surprise when some helpful person
pointed out the tiny run that began at our toe and grew until it disappeared
under the tail of our dress. It was customary to act mortified as if you'd
never purposefully wear torn hosiery. Yeah, pantyhose have always been more
trouble than they were worth, and mastering their delicate substance
challenged our tomboy souls--which brings me to today's southern definition...
"If you were born with that remarkable ability to wear a pair of pantyhose
more than once without tearing them...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#40
This is not going to be politically correct, but here goes. My folks
spanked my sisters and me when we were growing up. I know there are
people who say this was harmful to our developing personalities. I say,
where were they when we needed 'em? Just joking. I refuse to get drawn
into that debate, although I can tell you at the time, we were more
concerned with our backsides than our psyches. Back then, my older
sister, Cyndie, used to stand at the door and glare at Rhonda and me
when Mama was blistering our tails. Cyndie didn't want us to cry
because she thought it gave Mama too much pleasure. Rhonda and I
succumbed to her flawed logic because she was bigger at the time and
we had to face her if we gave in to Mama. I bring this all up because
the issue of crying, or in our case, the refusal to, can help us with
our continuing efforts to define the girly-girls from the tomboys.
Today's southern definition reads...
"If you didn't consider crying an admission of weakness...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#41
Hickory, dickory, dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one;
the mouse ran down, hickory, dickory, dock. Pretty simple story line
there, especially for a nursery rhyme. If you think about it, most of
'em tend to take a strange turn. Some of 'em have fiddle-playing cats,
cows jumping over the moon and people living in a shoe. One has a group
of men and their horses trying desperately to put a giant egg back
together. As a child, I couldn't help but wonder where the overdressed
egg came from in the first place and why the King was so anxious to see
him patched up. And remember the one that described what little girls
and little boys were made of? "Everything nice" sure didn't apply to
any females in my circle--not even the girly-girls! And it reinforced
the "boys will be boys" excuse all my male cousins got to hide behind.
Sure I've taken the long way around, but here we are at today's southern
definition...
"If you thought sugar and spice sounded like less fun than puppy dog
tails...you could have been a girly-girl."
--Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
#42
It's almost sad, but we're saying good-by to the girly-girl definition
today. Although it's been fun, I think we've pretty much milked it.
For most of this time we've discussed what separated us tomboys from
the girly-girls when we were little. For this last feature, I want to
look at the two all grown up. The other day my friend was telling me
about her afternoon. She'd been shopping at the mall when she noticed
the time and realized she was late to pick up her youngest daughter
after school and her vehicle was parked clear down at the other end.
This well-dressed mom took off running at a fair speed down the mall,
rather enjoying the curious looks of other shoppers. As she was telling
me this story it hit me. This might be a defining characteristic of an adult
size tomboy. Or, to put it another way...
"If you're too ladylike to break out in a run in public...you could be
a grown up girly-girl."
----Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
