General Humor
"Doc, I'm really worried. Every time I drink a cup of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my eye. Do you think it's serious?" "No. Try taking the spoon out of your cup."
When he was Allied Commander of Europe and U.S. Command, General John Galvin was asked how he liked being in charge of so many troops and such a variety of forces. He said, "I often feel like the director of a cemetery. I have a lot of people under me, but nobody listens."
A boy asked his father a question and was told "ask your mother." The boy commented, "No thanks. I don't want to know that much about it."
My wife and I were vacationing in Hawaii. One night we decided to splurge and eat at one of its finest restaurants. Following a wonderful dinner, just after I was given the bill, I reached into my pocket for my wallet. To my dismay, I lost balance and fell over in my chair.
The people at the next table looked shocked, but I recovered quickly from my embarrassment and said, "The food is delicious, but wait 'til you get your bill!"
Question: Where's the population of this country the most dense?
Answer: From the neck up.
After a fourteen year old finished filling out his application for a job at a fast food restaurant, he asked his father to check it over. The father chuckled when he saw after "In case of emergency, please call ____," his son had written: "911."
While Kevin was out jogging along the beach in Malibu, he came upon an oil-covered duck. Gently carrying the bird home, he carefully cleaned and fed it, then set it free.
"Just a minute," the duck said.
"Y-Y-You talk?"
"Of course," said the duck, "and I want to thank you for what you did. Come on--let me buy you a Coke."
Never having met a talking duck, Kevin agreed, and the two walked to a local restaurant.
As they sat down at a table, Kevin ordered. So did the duck.
"Remember," the duck said to Kevin, "this is my treat."
The waitress overheard and grinned, "Excuse me, Mr. Duck, but you're paying?"
The duck nodded.
"How?"
He answered, "Just put in on my bill."
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